Yesterday, Ziggy was angry. When I asked him why, he shouted, “because I want a baby!” 😳
Chris immediately shot me a look.
“Nope. Haven’t said a word to him since I was warming him up to the idea during the last pregnancy. Promise.”
I pulled Ziggy into my lap, where he went on to share that he wanted a baby because he was tired of playing alone. “ I want a kid to play with.”😭
I explained that we would love to give him a baby, but that it would take some time, because I would have to grow one in my belly.
The next obvious question was, “well how does a baby get in your belly?” 🤣
Wellllllll, mommy and daddy do a special baby dance, make a baby, and then I grow the baby in my belly. 🤷🏻♀️
“Oh!!! I know a great baby dance. It’s
Called the rainbow baby dance!!!” 😍🌈
My eyes immediately welled up with tears as he leaped out of my lap to show me the moves.
“The rainbow baby dance?”
“Yeah!! It goes like this....”
💓 heart explodes 💓
And just like that, the insight and intuition of a 4 year old to voice his desires reminds me that our ray of light is just around the corner.
It’s been a long few months. I struggled for a while to see the positive intention through all of the loss.. but what I’ve found as I tread on the other side is a journey to healing a lifelong struggle with a warped body image.
It’s not easy to look at the reflection of your postpartum body after 2 pregnancy losses without a baby.
And for the first time in my life, I was faced with the hard reality that in order to truly heal and move forward, I had to learn to embrace, love and celebrate my body NOW, in this moment.
Because if I was honest in reflecting, prioritizing getting back into that size 4 wasn’t going to heal shiz. 💩
It definitely hasn’t been easy, and some days are easier than others, but I feel a huge weight lifted.
The mental weight of obsessing about what I did or didn’t eat.
The weight of guilt because I ate “too many” carbs, too much fat, or enjoyed an ice cream with my family.
The weight of refusing to buy new clothes that feel good on my NOW body because I’m too busy squeezing into what I currently have and crying daily.
The weight of allowing the number on the scale to determine my mood.
The weight of all the negative things I’ve told myself for years still creeps in, and I am still learning, still listening to my body every day. And, compelled & driven to help others learn how to listen to theirs. 👂🏼
If you’re sick of obsessing, like you've tried everything...if what's always worked is no longer working or you know that deep down if you don’t address this you’re going to miss out on the next great thing in your LIFE...
Allow yourself be okay with not doing it alone!! 👯♀️ (TRUST ME, I know how hard this is)
The space where SO much of my healing is rooted—June foundational group coaching program—kicks off so soon!!
Enrollment is OPEN through next week only and limited to only a few spaces. We're #bettertogether 👯♀️
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